
There are two things that should always go into standard chocolate milk, that is chocolate and milk. Apparently, Ripple has decided to forgo the chocolate…and the milk when making theirs. Their label proudly pronounces it is dairy free, and milk that is made entirely of peas. Yes, peas. Ok that kind of sounds ridiculous off the cusp. Peas are the food that you put in other things because you wouldn’t want to eat them on their own. Peas are the food your mom is talking about when she says stop playing with your food and to finish your vegetables. Peas are the food that absolutely no one gets excited about. So what on earth drove someone to say, “You know what sounds delicious? Liquified peas.” If your best friend approached you and said they had the idea to liquify broccoli and sell it as milk you would tell them their insane and to not waste their money. Ripple milk is just that insane idea and decides to try and make chocolate milk without any milk. Their label proudly announces dairy-free,
when it should proudly announce flavor free. Honestly just imagine for a moment DRINKING peas. That is all this experience is, drinking the taste of only peas. The chocolate would mask the flavor some possibly if they had put any. Unfortunately, they did not put chocolate in the milk, and if they did they took it out right after. I would believe they put brown food coloring to make their pea monstrosity look like chocolate before I would believe this is real chocolate. All of these reasons are enough for the pea milk to be a 0/5, however, the makers of Ripple could not resist going just a step further to make it even grosser tasting.
Typically I judge chocolate milk on a few qualities, how the chocolate flavor itself is, the texture of the milk, aftertaste that it may or may not leave, and generally the overall approach the chocolate milk is taking. The Ripple brand fails at having any chocolate flavor at all, instead substituting it for pea flavor, again gross. There is surprisingly no aftertaste, which is a blessing
because an aftertaste would have prolonged my suffering. The texture of the milk is surprisingly creamy and thick. Usually, this would be a very good thing because creamy chocolate is better than a thin one. However since they chose to use brown food coloring and liquified
peas for their milk, the creamy texture only enhances the revolting flavor. The makers of Ripple managed here to take what makes most other chocolate milk delicious and use it to make theirs even more revolting, something I would have thought impossible to accomplish. All of this would have put Ripple on the same level as milk such as Yoohoo, where it gets a 0/5 and is cast aside to the trash heap unfinished. However, the makers of Ripple decided to go even further and try to catch your eye with a number of health gimmicks. Dairy Free- 12g of protein, 30% less sugar, ETC. All of these are displayed on the front logo more than the name of the brand itself which can only rouse my suspicion. It is my belief that the maker of Ripple was just that insane friend that I mentioned before, and that after having invested all of his money to make pea milk, he finally got around to trying it. He then realized rather than creating delicious chocolate milk he had created a nauseating monstrosity that he would never be able to sell. What was his solution in this dilemma in an age of health nuts? Slap a ton of health-conscious labels on it and lure them in with this false promise of healthy good choc
olate milk. Instead of abandoning his failed milk, he doubled down and forced me to suffer this sordid experience. I will never be purchasing your milk again and I hope you go out of business whoever you are. -Off to Pour a Glass
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